Who needs to buy the book when the table of contents provides you with all the take-home messages? You do have to wonder if Amazon was providing TMI when showing it. . . . But for your viewing pleasure and for your personal keepsake box of relational edification, here are 51 things you should know before getting engaged, from the aptly-titled 51 Things You Should Know Before Getting Engaged by Michael Batshaw (Trade Paper Press, 2009):
1. One hardly ever hears, “I wish I could have gotten engaged earlier.”
2. Hollywood gets it wrong.
3. Beware of the person of your dreams.
4. If you put your partner on a pedestal, take him off.
5. If you find yourself on a pedestal, get off.
6. Great sex will not save a mediocre relationship.
7. Mediocre sex can become great sex with patience and determination.
8. You have to know your own flaws, imperfections, and weaknesses. Admit them to yourself and your partner.
9. What is your partner’s true character? These qualities are not likely to change much in the future.
10. Get to know your partner’s relationship history and patterns.
11. Look carefully at how your partner takes care of himself.
12. Daily living habits may be more important than you realize.
13. You must respect what your partner does for a living.
14. If you think that she will change her mind in time, be careful.
15. Don’t wait forever for progress in the relationship on issues that are important to you.
16. If you have sexual issues that are not going away, a little help can make all the difference. [Not to be picky, but hasn't this been covered by #7 already?]
17. Patience is a virtue. No, really, it is. [Except if you think she'll change her mind (#14) or for things that really matter to you (#15)]
18. How do you feel about family and children?
19. Be open to discussing your family’s problems–you’ve probably inherited some of them anyway.
20. You’re going to have to deal with your future in-laws whether you love them or not. [A great piece of advice, but not from personal experience of course.]
21. Religion is not unimportant. [I'll interpret this as, "being on the same page regarding religion is not unimportant."]
22. Marriage is also a business. Money is a real issue.
23. We are not created equal. Be aware of your differences.
24. Get off your high horse. [But life is so much better up here!]
25. If you really knew me, you would never hurt me. [Unless . . .]
26. Talk about the little issues or they will grow into big issues.
27. Don’t express every random thought you have in your head about your partner. [Save those in a private setting on your blog, for accurate accounting, though.]
28. Couples who don’t argue are in trouble. [Bravo!]
29. The more you yell, the less you will be heard. [I hope my "Bravo!" wasn't too loud. . . .]
30. Don’t compare your partner to someone you both dislike. [Glenn Beck . . .]
31. The best couples argue forcefully but with empathy and respect.
32. Never say “you never” or “you always.”
33. Real people will fall short of your expectations over and over again. [except Glenn Beck]
34. Apologies are golden, but make them real.
35. Apologies are incomplete without a change in behavior.
36. Everyone doubts at one time or another whether his partner is “the one.”
37. Everyone goes through dark times in a relationship.
38. It’s normal to feel attracted to someone who’s not your partner.
39. Attracted to another person? Don’t put yourself in harm’s way.
40. The truth of the moment is not the whole truth. ["I hate you now, but I don't always hate you"?]
41. Marriage doesn’t have magical powers to make problems go away. [And they lived happily ever after. The end.]
42. Don’t think that having children is going to make it better.
43. Your relationship should not be your only passion in life.
44. Cultivate your friendships. [Or make friends if your partner is your only friend.]
45. Couples who share activities are closer.
46. Couples who do everything together cannot survive.
47. Be careful not to control or be controlled in your relationship.
48. Practice, practice, practice.
49. Connect to your partner in a physical (but nonsexual) way every day.
50. Express frequent gratitude about what you like and love about your partner.
51. The Golden Rule. [I'm assuming this is "do unto others as you would have others do unto you," unless Batshaw has discovered another golden rule, in which case he should give it another name.]
But all in all, it’s golden advice, nay, platinum advice on how to approach serious relationships, even if engagement isn’t an issue on the table.
P.S. Speaking of relationships, this photo says so much about relationship dynamics. Rest in peace, love, Lucky.
Which explains why dear Delilah has felt so lost these past few months, though she is finding her confidence again. And Sophie of course remains oblivious to why she keeps on getting condolence arf’s on the street, but she still dotes on her Dilly, so I do give her credit for that show of feeling.
No comments:
Post a Comment