Saturday night was the Speakeasy release party. I put on a dress and teased up my hair. Being more used to the awkwardness that comes from being tied to a desk all day than the sassiness that comes from an awesome outfit, I arrived through the front door and hung out at the back.
What is a Speakeasy release party, you ask? Speakeasy is a new porn (out Sep 28th, produced by Good Releasing) and the release party was at El Rio, a psuedo-dive-bar in San Francisco.
What this means: porn in a bar full of people who most likely didn’t know a porn was being shown in the back of the bar.
What this looked like: PBR-holding sweatshirted groups of friends wandering through a door which usually offers a live band on the other side. Instead of musicians on a stage, hipsters found Lorelei Lee (or Jiz Lee, or Cyd, or Lorelei Lee, again) blasted on the screen on the wall, getting fucked. And not just fucked: roughly fucked. Spanking, slapping, biting, swearing. Hipsters enter room, glance at screen. Brains explode. Eyes look at the door.
But wait! Leaving as soon as you come in would be so un-SF (we are the sex positive city, after all). What to do?! Stand there, blocking the doorway for a few minutes. Obviously. Then leave. Random couples stayed and about a third of those groped each other randomly, but the hipsters left as soon as it was cool to do so.
I drank gingerale and posted every minute on twitter. My job: awesome.
For you:
How to be as un-awkward as possible when watching porn with strangers (if you don’t find doing so to be hot).
1. Focus on something other than the porn. Intellectualize the set, the hair, the makeup, the logistics of everything. “I wonder how they got permission to shoot in that bar”, “That eyeliner, I wonder if it’s MAC? How much do the makeup artists get paid on a porn? Do they ever re-apply the mascara so it can run more dramatically?” “How much rope did they use in this scene, and where did they buy it from?”
2. Imagine what the porn stars would look like if they were dressed as whichever movie star comes to mind. Belladonna as Julia Roberts. Jenna Jameson as Jeanine Garafolo. Jiz Lee as Meg Ryan. Make it work, figure out how it possibly could. Or think of how the pornstar looks in real life. With glasses, a wool sweater, less makeup, maybe reading The Onion. The trick is to distract your responses from your body to your brain. Think instead of feel, but still pay attention (looking around the room makes you look like the creepy kid who’s checking everyone out while they’re watching the porn. Not good).
3. If at all possible, be the one who picks the porn. Some of the best public-viewing titles are the older movies, like Outlaw Ladies or Alice in Wonderland. The scenes are shorter, the bodies are more natural, the sets are funny. Sometimes there’s music. In other words, there’s a bunch to think about and notice and comment on and be distracted by. There’s more than fucking, so you can keep the hard on off.
Now, my advice is given assuming you are a normal ol’ person who hasn’t seen a million porn movies, and might still have “reactions” to porn that are almost beyond your control. I know there are plenty of people out there who, like myself, watch lots of porn for work and/or pleasure, and have no issues whatsoever looking all ho-hum when there are a bunch of strangers in the room, watching with you.
Back to talking about porn and writing about porn and selling the porn, at work, with lots of people in the room.
jameson.
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