First, let me say that I am sorry. I slept all of an hour and a half last night, had an extremely stressful day and just got home. I can not guarantee that the remainder of this post will be coherent, much less well thought out.
I collect broken angels. There are many reasons for this. I listen. I read people very well. I help and quite frankly, I often recognize myself in the ones I hold dear. I am a pragmatic woman. I understand that I am broken in several ways. For me, this venture is a way for me to get back the things that were taken from me. You see, when I chose to let go, to give over the same things that were taken from me, it becomes about choice, my choice. When I choose it, the power is mine, even in the letting go. I’m not sure that makes sense or not, but it is where I am. My desire to please, to submit has always been there. This is my way of reconciling both my past and my future.
I have spent a significant amount of time with several men over the last few weeks. Some have been one timers. Some have been more. If you have been reading for awhile, you know that I desire one man to own me body and soul. Emotion is difficult for me because if I care about someone, I rely on them. If I rely on people, I get hurt. Tonight I made my decision about who I want to be with. All that remains is telling the others. I find it extremely difficult to say no in general. This will be a good exercise for me. Will I be able to follow through on my decision, let go of other potential in order to live in the freedom of my ultimate release? I’ll let you know.
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