“Are you sure you’re a virgin…no bleeding.”
“She definitantly wasn’t a virgin, you see how she dress?”
“My hymen is broken…does that mean I’m no longer a virgin?”
Like the telephone game most of us played as children myths about sex and virginity get passed down from one friend to another, to the point where women are ostracized, and guys are perpetuating ideas that further place them at a hierarchy over their female counterparts. FYI: JUST BECAUSE YOU FUCK A VIRGIN DOESN’T MEAN SHE’S GONNA BLEED A RIVER. I digress, but I do not understand why men, even collegiate men, nonetheless are passing around and choosing to believe these false notions and why do we as women allow them to continue these beliefs?
So my first sexual experience was with a close friend, I remember wondering if I should tell him that I was a virgin and questioning whether or not he would still want to go through with it. I told him and then while having sex he says, “Are you sure you’re a virgin?” I respond, “Yea,” in my head I’m wondering why the hell he is asking me this. He replies because he would be better off without a condom, as if I couldn’t become pregnant or contract a STI. Even after the sex he kept questioning my virginity because I didn’t bleed.
Fact: Not all women bleed after their first sexual experience. Secondly to get technical the hymen is a thin membrane that can be broken at any time in a woman’s life. Since menstrual blood comes out of the vaginal opening sometimes that can even erode the membrane aka the hymen. In addition the sex doesn’t always tear the hymen it can stretch it as well. Finally there are different types of hymen (illustrated below) and not every woman’s cherry will be popped so to speak.
So back to my story, after I inform him that the hymen can be broken at any time I tell him that he should know this since he wants to become a doctor, his rebuttal, “I don’t want to be a gynecologist.”
Opinion: Women have to learn about male anatomy then men should have and feel the need to learn about female anatomy. In addition if a guy is going to put into question a woman’s virginity then they should be questioning on valid information rather than myths.
There is such emphasis placed on virginity: guys wanting to sex the virgin because she’s tight, virgins bleed, virgins can’t get pregnant, women lie about virginity. However, men and women who choose to follow these beliefs continue to perpetuate the idea that women should remain virgins while men are free to sex as many women as possible, and women who too enjoy sex as much as men are considered hoes. And yet not many think about the heterosexual virgin who has had oral/anal sex with many partners… is she still pure because her vagina hasn’t been penetrated by a penis? Women who lie about their virginity buy into this idea of the pure virgin, and that virgins are valued more than non-virgin females. In my opinion virginity seems to be a social construct where women are expected to respect their bodies, hold off for that special one. Yet, men are not taught these same morals, men are free to sex whomever and numerous women creating a reputation of a “player”, “he know’s how to bag a girl.”
But let’s not forget the other side of the story what about women who prefer their first sexual experience to be with a guy who’s had sex before … someone experienced.
Fact: Just because a man has had sex before or with several women doesn’t imply that he’s a great lover especially when many women lie about the sex i.e. moaning when they aren’t enjoying it, stating that they enjoyed the sex when they didn’t.
This idea too permits men to be more sexually active. The point in my reiteration of this is because I would like to live in a world where I am equal to my male counterpart because that idea is unrealistic. We live in a world of patriarchy but we as women reinforce patriarchal notions. So all I can hope for is to begin with myself and spread the word.
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