Boo and Hoo
I’ve been in pain lately. Over the past few months some pains I’ve had have worsened and that worries me some. This past week has been the worst. I know part of that is that because of everyone’s various vacation times, we aren’t entirely out of holiday mode and are still eating badly. That would account for frequency of pain. The other part of it, the part that should explain the intensity, remains unexplained. I already had an ultrasound a couple of months ago that showed nothing wrong. Of course, the technician was a complete idiot. I’ve had a billion ultrasounds and this was the shortest, least explorative ever. I also had a colonoscopy recently that like all before it revealed the gradually less surprising benign growths. So save for another ultrasounds, really the only option about figuring out the “whys” is exploratory surgery. Kinda hard to get on board that one just for pain. And I wouldn’t just for pain. A crop stroke hurts much worse. Of course, it’s not there day and night wearing you down. BUT I still wouldn’t be concerned just because I had some pain. What I *am* concerned about is what is causing the pain. Is it new scar tissue forming because of the bleeding? Is it something else? It’s the unknown that bugs me.
In less than a week though normal life will resume and I can finally get some stuff done and get ready for my 30th birthday in less than 2 months. (&%$#!!!!) Hopefully some semblance of routine will help to calm down my nerves which have been jangling on an ever increasing intensity.
Soooo in order to cheer myself up… I am going to go down the memory lane. It shall be amusing. And really, what is more comical and silly and nostalgic than everyone’s first time doing anything? Here’s a list of my firsts I could think of.
My first kiss was superb. He was the boy next door, literally. He came up with some excuse to come over and we stood around my room very awkwardly until it was time for him to leave at which point I guess he finally screwed up the courage to come over and kiss me. I remember the rush of butterflies as he took those last couple of steps towards me and the “wooosh” of emotions and roaring blood. It was sweet and awkward and amazing. I was so pumped from it all that afterwards I went to my piano and played for an hour straight. And I never was that good! *laughing* I remember he had brought over some chapstick… and the awkward banter. I like that memory. It’s sweet. *s*
The first time I got finger fucked… not really memorable. The very first time which took a grand total of 15 seconds was pointless because I just wasn’t turned on and I was dry and I was young enough that I wasn’t even too sure what he was going for. The second time, (which I think should be mentioned since the first time was so brief and confusing!), was within the first actual relationship I was in and she (Lee) MAJORLY sucked at sex. *laughing* Like she was so incredibly bad at everything that two women might do with each other that after a couple of months of being with eat other I was still not sure we were actually having any kind of sex. The 3rd person who got there was the first to actually finger fuck me in any satisfactory fashion. She was I think about 8 or 10 years older than me and very butch. Great fuck, not much personality. Let’s call her Nik.
First time I tried nipple torture was with Nik as well … she was really into it. She was actually the first person I dated who was into S/M in any serious way. Not as much as me still but a good match for me at that point since I was taking baby steps and tracing out my desires. I was turned on by how turned on she was but really the person who made me grow neuron pathways between my nipples and cunt was Luke. Before him, I’d get chapped nipples and the high of pain but none of the “pinch my nipple and my clit will scream in sympathy” thing that Luke can manage.
The first time I got fucked (penetration in pussy with dildo/cock)… it was disappointing. This was with Lee and as I was JUST starting to enjoy it she stopped. I don’t think she could relate to the dil and on top of that didn’t know what really to do and didn’t even want to give it a try… yea we just weren’t a sexual match. She was a snail to my bunny.
The first time I got fucked in the ass… was honestly painful but not so bad that I didn’t see the potential. I had the same issues with it that most others describe. Aside from pain I wondered what if it made a mess and how yucky that would be but really there are a couple of choices there. Either you do a thorough enema before every single time you do it (which isn’t the healthiest thing ever) OR you put on a condom and some play sheets and deal with a bit of mess here and there. I mean, if you play with fire, you are gonna get burned sooner or later. AND you gotta know, your rectum is pretty clean most of the time. This is also one of those things that I liked before but I really started wanting it with Luke. Oh and as far as butt plugs go… I’ve always found them hot. Which brings up the next 2 firsts:
First time I got figged… was odd. It wasn’t a sensation I expected. I think we soaked the ginger too long though because somewhere we had read that you are supposed to soak it. I am not even sure where anymore. There was some burning but more than that it gave me a sort of “urging” sensation which isn’t what I was going for. But once more I saw the potential. The burning of freshly carved ginger is amazing. It’s a welcome sensation change from compact pain (because I won’t play with icy/hot or any other chemical heavy things on mucus membranes other options being natural cinnamon oil, peppermint oil, wintergreen oil, etc) and I like it more than other tingly things because it can be carved into a fun plug! I also love it on my clit. The burning is exquisite. Now I sometimes do it just for myself when I masturbate.
First time I was double penetrated… wasssss not with two different people. I think the very first time was getting fucked with a plug in my ass. If I am properly wet that is beyond good. We have a pretty large plug and getting fucked with it in place makes the experience so much more intense. I feel more “possessed”. Having a plug in, being gagged with Luke’s leather gag that has a mini-phallus AND getting fucked is even better. Just the sensation of being filled everywhere is… ooooh. With two people it’s a more tricky affair. I am still chasing that particular high if Luke comes around to it. Oh and if you have someone who knows what the hell they are doing, getting fingered in your ass and cunt together… so you are getting the same stroke rhythm… DIVINE! What I want to try next (aside from another guy to play with along with Luke) is maybe getting fucked with a harness so Luke can fuck me in both holes… yuh yuh…
The first time I got fisted… was a surprise. It was with Luke. The concept was too scary to me before that to try with anyone I didn’t fully trust. We hadn’t really started out saying that’s what we were doing. We were just having some great anniversary sex. He was 3 or 4 finger inside me and pounding and then he just tried another finger, and more lube and aside from a few moments when I felt I was being torn apart (pressure not pain), he was in! And then he curled his fingers into a fist (just sticking your hand in there doesn’t count you know, you actually have to make a fist for it to be fisting) and began fucking me and the sensation was… overwhelming. I remember reaching down and feeling his wrist buried in me. NOTHING makes you feel more thoroughly fucked than getting fisted. It’s like a piston moving inside you. The force is unimaginable. Gooood stuff.
The first time someone ate my pussy… was … nice? Certainly not terribly exciting. I’ve never been much for it. I’ve had lovers since that are pretty good at it but when all’s said and down… I’d still prefer getting fingered or fucked. A tongue is just… nice but not enough.
The first time I gave head… confusing and a little icky. But I think that’s true for most people. I mean first time you don’t know what is it you are really doing and here you are in this relatively awkward position. The tastes seemed odd and hygiene is SO important. I mean if you’ve been with someone for long like me and Luke, it actually adds to my pleasure to suck him off with the taste of sweat and piss on him. Someone I’ve know for 6 months… not so much. Wash people. Of course, I am sure you’ve noticed that now my attitude is more in the line of… oh for the love of all that is holy… fuck MY MOUTH.
First time I got spanked… was kinda awkward. She wasn’t really into it. A few swats that barely hurt. It took a few people until I got a decent spanking like I wanted. That first spanking was… surprising. I had always been turned on by the thought of a spanking but when it came to the real hard spanking all I could register through it was pain. It HURT. That’s all. It hurt. I felt a bit ridiculous with all 5’7” of me draped over a lap with my ass in the air. I did feel some of that desired childlike feeling. I didn’t really drop into the sub-space that both the mentality and the pain of a good spanking make me feel nowadays. (I was too busy analyzing it) But then it was over and I felt how very wet I was and how incredibly horny… Even now even a punishment spanking will get me wet. I still squirm when Luke calls me for a spanking and when the actual spanking/whipping is going on, all I can sense is the pain, but the bliss afterwards… well… may I have another sir?
First time I tried bondage…was fun but we did it WRONG. I was young and stupid and I didn’t even have the decency to start with something soft. It was a pain of metal cuffs that locked my hands together behind my back but THEN I essentially lied on top of my cuffed wrists through the sex part so when it was over, I had a tinsy bit of nerve damage… namely I had funny pins and needle feeling for a month. Thank god it passed. Bondage remains one of those things I am iffy about. Bondage, like I’ve said before, is choice being taken away. Complete transfer of control. You don’t even have the assurance in the back of your mind that you could get away if need be. There is nothing. You are there… at the top’s mercy… and that can still be scary for me. And like all things scary… it’s so exhilarating.
First time I got pissed on…was better than the second time cause by the second time I had had time to actually think about what I had done and ick myself out some. The second time I actually gagged a bit after the piss hit my tongue. Of course, I know myself enough to know it was a product of my own over thinking and I got over it very fast. The most fun thing about it for me is how enthralled and repulsed Luke is with the whole thing. He loves doing it but he is icked out at the idea of it and he can’t reconcile the two.
That’s enough firsts! This is making me feel ancient! Of course, I am a much better lay now so that counts for something! And there are a couple of firsts I still have on my todo list…. Oh and if you are wondering why I haven’t mentioned losing my “virginity”. Well… aside from the sectional virginity involved in all of the above… I lost my hymen to a ladder I was climbing up and down for play before I was even a teen. I fell down and a wrung hit me between the legs just so and bust went the hymen. I remember the blood then but I didn’t know I didn’t have a hymen until I just had deeper and deeper sex and no blood…
Luke would love me to have a hymen reconstruction so he can take my virginity but seriously paying a few grands for fake virginity AND going through the discomfort of the procedure… *laughing* not happening. I get it for women who need to do it for cultural reasons… but for kink sake… nah!
And the best thing about your first time? It only happens once!
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