I’ve always been good with words when it comes to women I’ve kept outside of the friends-zone. Perhaps in my younger years, it wasn’t as polished, but the affinity was there. Through experiences and traversing life, I’ve learnt much. There is something they say about guys that grew up in Orange County — that we are natural ladies’ men or players. I remember how women in both San Diego and Los Angeles would call us “Ricos” and “Mr. Right Nows.” I’d goof out and reply back that the only suave I knew was the shampoo that I use.
There was this one girl, who all the guys wanted. Beautiful, smart, and unmatchable. Every guy who tried to approach her got shot down in turn; there were certainly a lot of burning planes in that bone-yard swath around her as she walked in stride.
***
I had a quiet moment with her. My mind was confused and hyper. I’ve always been that reckless free-ranging guy. And here I found myself attempting feebly to chase this woman, with no sense of direction about how to approach the situation.
Perhaps stupidly, breaking the silent moment, I told her, “Baby, you’re just too beautiful to be wasted.” She took her head off my shoulder, looked at me with a quizzed look, and replied simply, “You’re wrong Jay. I’m never wasted.”
This threw me back into perspective. I thought about her comment thoroughly, and it burnt more fiercely because I knew it was true. And I came to believe that I do now, that a beautiful woman can always get a date if she wants to, the difference is that she’s looking for a good man.
A woman, beautiful, smart, confident in herself, truly a catch, isn’t hard to find, just like a good man isn’t hard to find. The problem inherent, is that we as people tend to look for the opposite of what we want. Or perhaps we don’t know what we want. But I think most people can understand and know what they don’t want in another person. The good die young, we become too jaded, too cautious, to see the goodness that’s right in front of us, and I think that’s really the main problem in relationships. People are naturally optimistic; we want to be a force for the greater good, we want to fix what’s wrong, to save others.
But that’s wrong. People cannot be saved, except through themselves.
Too often, I’ve watched my friends go with a less than ideal man, no, a boy-man, attempting to save him, putting their own feelings and life on the line. No matter how hard we fight it, knowing that it’s not good for us, people deviate back to wanting to make a difference in another’s life. To save them from the devil haunting their lives. Often I see women wasting a good portion of their prime years chasing a lost spirit, an ephemeral soul that cannot be caught nor tied down. And in the end, it only breeds bitterness when the woman comes to realize that it was all for naught.
“Never wasted.”
Nobody is perfect, and men should feel lucky that women even pay us the time of day at certain moments. I’ve seen odd behavior. The guy could be the not best looking man, or the wealthiest, or most stable, yet women have a certain goodness in them that allows them to see the greater good, the essence of men. Perhaps there is a certain quality, how he laughs, or his corny jokes, or even his silent solitude that attracts a woman. And I’ve watched, I’ve learned, I’ve analyzed. And sometimes despite a man’s personal failings, a good woman can pinpoint his best qualities.
A good woman; looking for a good man. Always able to get a date, but she’s looking for something very specific. Commitment, understanding, mutuality, love.
And knowing that, somehow I still feel lost in the crowd as it rushes by on both sides. I journey on, wondering about the one day, and forgetting about the what could have been.
No comments:
Post a Comment