I suppose since I’m writing this after midnight, it’s no longer Halloween, but bear with me. Halloween has long been co-opted as an adult excuse to be raunchy without censure. Tonight I saw slutty versions of almost every childhood fairy tale character. I also saw a girl dressed as a skanky french maid trying to jump onto the back of a jedi who was bent over, probably trying to facilitate the execution of a piggy back ride. To be fair, that might be innocent enough, but the lack of grace and the violence with which they threw themselves into the task made it look like some kind of bizarre sex ritual, reminiscent of the primal clips of awkward rhinos climbing into position to copulate that often makes nature documentaries the easy target of ridicule. What I mean is, when I think of Halloween, I think of sex. A night of sex where suddenly every one’s fetish is to role play.
I saw one group of children trick or treating earlier in the evening, and when I saw them I have to admit I was momentarily bewildered. I thought, “Those guys look too young to party.” And then I realized that all they wanted was candy and the chance to dress up– my lapse of awareness depressed me, since I remember the excitement of Halloween from being a child; an excitement that’s somehow now been stuffed away to who knows where.
At the end of the night I was standing at the subway station, feeling tired and worn out. The night was cool and quiet while we all waited for the bus to arrive. A girl in a (skanky) Raggedy Anne outfit stood at the front of the line, absently blowing bubbles from a wand, sending showers of the translucent spheres to weave through the line of late night commuters. I’ve always loved bubbles. At my goodbye party, before I moved, my special request was that someone buy bubble formula for me (and I was presented with a garish set of children’s toys). I’m not sure my friends really understood my desire for the childish activity, but they all watched indulgently as I giggled and got soap all over myself, the hotdogs, and everyone in a 5 meter radius. As I watched the bubbles tonight swirl away, against the landscape of twisted trees and bastardized childhoods, I found myself feeling wistful and sad, like I was watching the memories of long ago times surrounding me so delicately, before disappearing into the night.
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