Friday, September 4, 2009

The Dark Side of the Playground

Tonight I saw the film Playground, a documentary about child sex trafficking inside the U.S. That is to say, American children. A reasonable amount of attention is given to trafficking of foreigners either into the U.S. or being used for sex tourism. But in scale, the domestic problem is even more serious.

The film cannot be everything, and I think that is to its benefit. Libby Spears makes a very tight, targeted and effective documentary that focuses on how these girls are taken into the sex trade as early teens; perhaps after early childhood sexual abuse, out of a broken or dysfunctional family, or even out of a nuclear family, and the way in which they are trapped and mistreated by the nature of the lifestyle and some public policies that are ineffective. It goes into other areas that are necessary but brings it back to the victim. For example, it mentions that we spend so much of our resources and focus on offenders and so little on victims, not managing to break the cycle of violence. It also delves briefly into the source of demand.

In some way I think the question of demand is most interesting. There are things we can do to address supply in terms of providing better assistance to the girls, and boys, involved, and we should do them, but ultimately, as long as there is demand, there will be financial incentive to abuse.

I think it is pretty clear that the sex industry is fueled by an underlying sexual frustration in the male population. It is the oldest profession so there is a good indication that this is not something about modern culture or feminism. Men simply have sexual desires in excess of what will naturally be available. Where there is scarcity, there is money to be made off of access to that good.

When we talk about simple adult sexuality, I think there is a good argument to be made here for legalized prostitution. It is not free of problems, but it certainly seems a less destructive outlet than prohibitions that fuel profitable organized crime, pimps, and ultimately trafficking. It becomes less simple when talking about minors. It is certainly reasonable to restrict prostitution to adults, but we probably practice too great a denial of teenage sexuality, both among teenagers (they need proper sex education) and between teens and adults (we need more contextual consent laws rather than rigid age-based laws).

But what are we to say about the demand for underage sexual partners. The film classifies some as having a problem between their legs, something in their life stalled their sexuality at a young age. This seems a sensible claim, and though these men may become monsters, there is something pitiable about them. They have a compulsion beyond their control that I would equate to being gay in a world that maintains legal and moral taboos against such thoughts.

The second group is one with a problem between their mind related to psychological development out of a purely selfish, antisocial behavior. This is someone who is careless with others, willing to exploit and harm everyone around them for their own base (and instant) gratification. This is a far less pitiable group. It is also a group that probably is involved trafficking simply because the opportunity is presented and thus is only intractable so long as the prior group needs an illicit outlet.

Unfortunately, I just don’t know how you eliminate this problem. One might hope that the legalized prostitution would sop up most of those who presently make child prostitution profitable. Perhaps they have no direct interest but end up there through the gateway process. They start with illegal prostitution and then they just get addicted to violating norms. Do we really think this sexual perversion is as widespread as the incidence indicates?

Anyway, this is a very difficult issue, and I think we are too often caught up with easy critiques such as the sexualization of children by pop culture. Children have been sexually abused for ages. Greek and Roman cultures in particular were known for abuse of boys. Perhaps our faults as a species have taken a new form with new technologies, but the faults are not new. Failing any miracle way of curing the faults, policies simply serve as mitigation. They might direct the fault to less bad outlets or they might simply do a better job picking up the pieces. At the end of the day, policy cannot strive for a perfect world it cannot deliver, it needs to strive for that which it can accomplish.

[Via http://votingwhileintoxicated.wordpress.com]

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Crazy bank holiday

Picture by Norm Yip

Well, that was a crazy bank holiday weekend… Some good things came out of it.

On Friday I was supposed to meet a Thai guy coming to London for the weekend but he couldn’t make it in the end. Almost at the same time I got a message from a guy I was supposed to have a date with a few weeks ago.

Last time he cancelled the day before. Apparently, he had been to the hairdresser and something had gone horribly wrong so he didn’t want me to see him yet. Then after a few more messages, we lost contact.

He had just gone again and this time his haircut was good enough for public exposure and wanted to meet. So I agreed to meet him for dinner.

We got in touch after the EH incident, at the time I thought I should up the age range a bit to find a bit more stability in my dates. JF is 30, from Malaysia and has been living here for quite a while.

We went to a Japanese restaurant in town and had a nice time. We got on well. Conversation was easy but didn’t totally flow. When we finished we started walking towards Soho talking about what we could do, I suggested a drink. He agreed but said he wouldn’t drink himself. So we were wondering what to do instead and listing possibilities when going home came up; as soon as I said that his answer was “is that an invitation?”.

So home we went. Although shy the guy clearly knows what he wants and just needs to be given a bit of a chance to ask for it. I later found he had brought his toiletries bag with him so clearly he had it quite clear in his mind.

Soon after arriving home we were kissing in the sofa and very soon after we moved on to the bedroom…

He left after noon at the same time as me. I was meeting a guy I’ve been chatting online with to go sunbathing in Hampstead Heath. This one is for friends and we had a good relaxed afternoon before dinner time.

The plan for the night was meeting LO to go to Matinée. A couple of days ago the guy I met the day before my trip to Barcelona contacted me and asked if I wanted to go there as well so I invited him to join us. I wanted to make LO a bit jealous, and I think it worked. As soon as the guy and I arrived to meet LO he was all over me, more than usual.

Not that the other guy was going to let that happen so easily so it was fun to get the attention from both all night. At the end of the night I was talking to LO when he asked if I wanted to go to his place, I wasn’t sure whether he was just teasing again but I quickly answered he was too tired for that.

Matinée was great fun, although it was ridiculous we had to queue for an hour just to leave our jackets in the cloakroom, I mean, it can’t be that hard to organise that a bit better, can it?

Anyway, it was a long fun night and ended up with each of us going home only when the tube reopened.

The next day I spent sleeping. But in the evening I met the Thai guy I couldn’t see on Friday. We met for dinner at a semi-local and then back home where he spent the night. Nice guy but he lives in Leeds so I could only see him from time to time, and I am not planning excursions up north to visit him.

Monday was a bit more relaxed. It was time for coffees. I met yet another new guy I’d chatted recently. I see this one as a potential friend but I think he may be looking for a bit more. He did suggest I may give him some very “private” Spanish lessons.

After coffee, I met JF again for dinner. Just as on Friday we had a nice time and got to know him a bit better. When we finished he asked to come home for a cuddle. I had to say no, the weekend had left me exhausted and I needed to do some cleaning up and laundry – D was coming next day from Singapore! I’ve been looking forward to that for so long.

Before saying goodbye JF asked if he could see me this week, but I’m going to be busy. He seems like a good guy and keen on me, I think he has some good potential so you will be reading more about him soon – I hope.

D will be staying home this week, shame I have to work. We’re going to Paris on Saturday and I’ll be coming back on Wednesday morning while he goes to his final destination where he’s going to spend the rest of the year: Prague.

[Via http://hedonism.wordpress.com]

Dangerous Lilly is have a contest!



Lilly, of DangerousLilly.com, is giving away an Njoy Pure Wand courtesy of EdenFantasys! The Pure Wand is a high-quality stainless steel double-ended dildo for either G-spot stimulation or prostate stimulation. It is 24 ounces of solid medical grade stainless steel, and polished to a mirror shine. Lilly loves her Pure Wand and wants to spread the love to one lucky winner!

To enter the contest just visit her blog to find out the rules and entry methods. You can enter even if you don’t have a blog, it’s easy! The contest deadline is September 16th, 2009, at Midnight Eastern Standard Time.

[Via http://danidarling.wordpress.com]

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Our Stories

It’s kind of strange, how we are living the story of our life, right now. All our sexual encounters (should be) erected in our memories and we have no way of taking a backwards step. Once we lose our virginity, that’s it. End of. There’s no going back and reclaiming it, no matter what steps you take to try and get it back (believe me, there are some nasty procedures out there…I won’t go into detail).

Are you happy with your “first time”? Could it have been better in any way? A lot of people seem to dislike their first time, saying it was painful (particularly if you’re a girl) and a bit harsh. Is that the case for everyone? Some girls bleed the first time, but others don’t because they’ve already broken themselves in some other way – bike riding, horse riding… For most people, the second time is more enjoyable. But I know this isn’t the case for everyone. I had one friend who said that it was still painful for her, even after a few times.

Do we have much control over our sexual urges? Can we learn to say no to ourselves when the moment is inappropriate? I have, on numerous times, M’s libido seems so much more active than mine…although I think it depends what time of the month it is! I recently read a good article in Cosmopolitan (UK edition) about the 4 different sexual personalities that a woman goes through during the course of her menstruation period. It was an interesting read and I found myself agreeing with it in most parts. There may be times in the month when you feel a stronger urge to have your man (or woman…) right now, right here. Other times you may be more relaxed and let your partner do the leading.

Can the souls of our sexual organs write their own stories? I think so.

[Via http://lovingandlusting.wordpress.com]

How to Delete Your Ex

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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Phụ nữ lẳng lơ khiến đàn ông mê mẩn

Phụ nữ lẳng lơ khiến đàn ông mê mẩn

(24h) – Nếu bạn thấy những cô nàng đong đưa trông thật đáng ghét thì hầu hết đàn ông đều cảm thấy bị một sức hút kì lạ từ những cô nàng lẳng lơ…

Đàn ông cho rằng, những phụ nữ lẳng lơ thường thông minh, biết chọn thời điểm. Đây cũng chính là điều mà hầu hết các đấng mày râu thừa nhận khi mọi người tỏ ra thắc mắc về việc họ tự nguyện “bị trói” bởi các cô nàng chẳng mấy xinh đẹp nhưng giỏi đong đưa. Trong con mắt của đàn ông thì những cô nàng lẳng lơ thường có sức hút kỳ lạ.

Đa số những cô nàng lẳng lơ thường hơi “hư hỏng” một chút

Trong quan niệm của nhiều người, những cô nàng lẳng lơ thường có chút hư hỏng. Tuy nhiên, với một số đàn ông, phụ nữ lẳng lơ lại được cho là mạnh mẽ, biết chọn thời điểm và đặc biệt là rất thông minh. Nhiều chàng trai đã tâm sự rằng, ở bên những cô nàng như thế này, họ luôn có cảm giác an toàn và được khuyên những lời khuyên đúng đắn. Trong suy nghĩ của các chàng thì phụ nữ lẳng lơ thường quyết đoán, có chính kiến riêng và đặc biệt là luôn biết mình mạnh ở điểm nào để coi đó như là vũ khí thu hút đàn ông.

Phụ nữ đong đưa vô cùng tự tin

Điều này vô cùng đơn giản, chỉ những cô nàng tự tin, biết điểm mạnh của mình thì mới có thể chủ động “tấn công” các đấng mày râu. Tự tin có thể kích thích tiềm năng của các cô nàng này và giúp họ theo đuổi những điều họ muốn. Trong nhiều trường hợp, chính sự tự tin này giúp các cô nàng lẳng lơ biết cách làm mình trở nên “sinh động” hơn và giỏi giang hơn. Trong suy nghĩ của những phụ nữ “đong đưa” luôn có một câu nói “tôi tự tin vì tôi xinh đẹp”.

Phụ nữ lẳng lơ thường rất coi trọng bản thân

Những cô nàng lẳng lơ luôn biết trân trọng sức khỏe cũng như vẻ đẹp của bản thân. Đàn ông thì lại thường đam mê cái đẹp, bởi vậy họ dễ dàng bị cuốn hút bởi vẻ ngoài của những cô nàng lẳng lơ. Nói về hôn nhân, thì đa số mọi người đều thừa nhận rằng, gái lẳng lơ rất biết chăm sóc gia đình và bản thân. Bởi đơn giản họ hiểu rằng, nếu không làm tốt những điều này thì chồng họ cũng sẽ ra ngoài và bị thu hút bởi những cô nàng đẹp hơn “vợ” ở nhà.

Gái lẳng lơ rất hài hước dí dỏm

Trong xã hội ngày nay, những cô gái được gọi là “truyền thống” thường thiếu đi một yếu tố, mà chính yếu tố này lại dễ làm các chàng phải điêu đứng, đó chính là chút hài hước dí dỏm. Đàn ông thích những người phụ nữ mang lại cho họ nụ cười và cảm giác vui vẻ. Về phương diện này, những cô nàng lẳng lơ làm rất tốt. Chính sự thông minh hài hước đã đem lại cho họ một sức hút kỳ lạ và làm các đấng mày râu thầm thương trộm nhớ. Và cũng chẳng khó hiểu khi ta thấy rằng, với phụ nữ thì những cô nàng “đong đưa” thật khó ưa, còn với đàn ông thì họ lại có một sức hút kỳ lạ.

***

[Via http://langca.wordpress.com]

birthday treats!

I’m home!

The trip was amazing. Except for the part where on Friday I got food poisoning and had a fever and was puking and shitting until Sunday. It slowed down for long enough for mi’lady and me to get massages on Saturday afternoon (about the only thing I could be coaxed out of the hotel room for), which turned out to be a GREAT idea because it totally massaged away my fever.

But aside from that, it was truly amazing. My birthday was on Wednesday and my best friend, who lives in Boston, called me in the morning to wish me a happy birthday and tell mi’lady that “alphafemme deserves lots of treats today!” Mi’lady laughed and said, “don’t worry, she’ll get lots of treats.”

Here is a list of her “treats”:

- she kissed me extra sweetly in the morning, and was extra sweet and cuddly as we were preparing to get up (this is a true treat, since she is NOT a morning person)

- she let me sit by the window on the airplane (it’s so silly that I love the window seat so much, especially since I’ve probably been on at least 100 flights in my life, but I do, I just love it! every single time it makes me get all existential and I just stare and stare and stare until we’re above the clouds)

- she arranged with the hotel ahead of time to have a reservation made for us at a lovely beachfront restaurant in Puerto Vallarta (called Amapas Sunset), and then she treated me to dinner and we went totally crazy and got waaaaay too much food and also quite a bit to drink

- …and then when we got back from dinner and went up to the room, I got the key out and was in the middle of saying “oh my god it’s so hot it’ll be so nice to get into our air-conditioned r—-” stopped short completely flabbergasted when I got the door open and noticed that there were rose petals all over the hotel floor, table top, dresser, and bed, and candles literally everywhere, glowing up the whole room, and there was even music on… (I don’t even remember what the music was, but it thankfully wasn’t anything too sentimental and mushy or I might have felt it was over the top) and I was completely floored, a bit overwhelmed, and felt almost like laughing because it’s so cliche! But so perfectly cliche. She knew it too, but she wanted to do something totally romantic and cliche for me. So then we took slutty naked photos of each other and messed up all the rose petals having dirty, noisy sex. Haha.

(Don’t you kind of wish that picture were one of the slutty ones? C’mon, admit it…)

- and THEN a bit later as we were finally getting ready for bed she said “I have one more thing for you” and I was like okay this is too much… but she went to her bag and took out a slim self-burned CD, on which she’d written “Alphafemme’s Birthday Song, 8/26/2009″ and I knew right away… she wrote a song for me! And recorded it! And put it on a CD for me! And I almost died from the love I felt. I couldn’t listen to it right away because she hadn’t put it on her iPod or anything and we hadn’t brought laptops with us (so that we could escape reality in its completeness) so I had to wait until today to listen to it. And today I finally listened to it, and I wish I could reproduce the words here because they’re so beautiful, but because this blog is anonymous and I can’t name her either that would be potentially bad for copyright reasons, so instead I’ll just summarize the gist, which is this: I have such a hard time with love, but every morning when I wake up next to you and look at you, I know that I want to take your hand and close my eyes and let you lead me to the heights I’m so afraid of, because baby, you make me want to soar.

There is no better way that my fears from this post could have been addressed.

There is so much more to tell about our vacation, but I think for now I will just leave you with this gorgeous Mexican sunset:

[Via http://alphafemme.wordpress.com]