After 12+ hours of no response, I finally buckled and asked him what he thought of my stance. To which he responded that he didn’t like it, because he felt that I did not understand him.
I recapped what I felt he wanted from me, and trumped with my simply-simple request. To which in my mind, didn’t outweigh what he was asking of me. Again, no answer.
Therefore, I concluded that if my request was too much, then we’d just have to stop seeing each other.
Dead. Silence. (I feel like I’ve written this before).
The complications of this “thing” overwhelms me.
Primarily because IT is a guy who I really liked. He was the “different” guy who I was mysteriously attracted to. And in getting to know him, he was the rare kind of black man that listened to dance and techno, had drive and ambition, and intelligence. (A male version of myself, yet with resounding differences). So, my heart was rooting for him. I would have gone along with anything this man wanted. I was rarely ready to concede all control to this man, because he was competent of leading the way in this kind of relationship.
But, one of my laundry lists of needs had to be met. And you want to know what it was? A simple Hi, Hello, How are you doing, How’s your day.
Those words, are the best forms of sexual fore-play, as they ease the tension and anxiety (and reluctance) which gradually build inside me.
And that’s lowering the bar dramatically! I’m not demanding him to hold my hand, or (gasp) be my man.
But, his silence is indicative of his disapproval. To that, I say. Fuck It!
I feel bad. I feel confused, and I’m starting to waver to believe that I was too hasty in deciding this. I’m starting to feel doubtful.
But I remind myself, that if I want to be treated with respect, I can’t demand it without change.
I’m still a little sad, but I’ll be fine. I’ll put as much time mourning this break over as he did my requests………………………Okay, I’m done.
Bubbly!
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